Yesterday I went to see the film Eat Pray Love. I had read the book and was very curious to see how a movie interpreted Liz's worldwide journey. Of course I had to buy popcorn and a drink for the movie! I felt that eating during this film was only appropriate. I tried to tune out the reviews and comments I had read about the film that had called Liz either selfish or self-indulgent and just enjoy the woman's story. That was hard to do. The canvas was painted before I even showed up to check it out.
It amazes me that we are a culture of women who can send energy to other women's wishes to help make their dreams come true but then there are also women who think, "How dare you for making it happen?!" Is it only OK to wish that a dream come true and wrong to make it happen yourself? If this had been a story about how a man had lost his job or family and he decided to walk the Wall of China we would see him as noble and adventurous. A woman leaves her home to learn how to enjoy life again without a man, without family so she can connect to the vitality of the divine and celebrate life is a horrible human being.
What is so wrong about wanting to be alone? To go on an adventure? To fight depression and sorrow with things that make you happy? Why are we so programmed to assume that to do anything big for yourself means you are a horrible woman? To want more out of life than what most people choose? Oh to eat with abandon! To find stillness, forgiveness and a connection to a higher consciousness, as well as rediscover who we are outside of our regular setting. To find love in lush, tropical paradise. Yes, that is what I call evil. Are you noting my sarcasm?
Well call me a heathen then. A heretic. An evil woman. I make fabulous food just for me. I do not want children. I study yoga. I am dedicated to the moon. I will return to my rainforest paradise one day. I am worse than Liz. I do not just want it for a year, I want it for the rest of my life so I must be downright diabolical.
As I sat there during the last five minutes of the movie, so moved by Liz's courageous story, a back-to-school video came on twice the volume as the movie and obliterated the ending. I almost cried. Then I realized it was the universe whispering to me once again, "Your life does not work here. Get out as soon as you can!" We were given free passes, as though that could make up for ruining the conclusion of the story.
I hope we as women begin demanding more out of our lives. As long as we believe that putting time and energy into ourselves is "wrong" we are controlled into being puppets of appropriate behaviour. Men do not even have to try to keep us in line, we do it to each other. We must get married, forfeit our careers, have children, not do anything for ourselves...
It is all lies. We are the authors of our lives. We just forget.
Write your own story, whatever that means to you. Take the time to listen to your own heart. Know that it is OK to say no to emptiness, unhappiness and unfulfillment. The rest of the world may be jealous but is it not better to be the envy of others than to be part of the angry disillusioned hoard?
33 comments:
Oh Suzie! You diabolical, evil, selfish, heartless bitch, you! (please be sure to note MY sarcasm here!)
I wish I'd listened to my own spirit screaming for what it wanted a LONG time ago.
I don't regret what it took/takes to be a mother; I wouldn't trade my children for anything.
I DO regret listening to everybody else instead of myself.
I truly believe that my life-long chronic illness, all the pain and suffering that I've endured, was/is caused by my own NOT LISTENING.
Thanks for the reminder.
I'm ready to listen.
I come to this post via twitter and must say:
Here, here you evil bitch!
Why is it that we live in a world where people think that as women we have to just give and give and give of ourselves with no regard for what makes us happy. I haven't seen the movie but will probably go see it - alone - later this week. I loved the book and I feel like I will love the movie. I applaud her for going after what she really wanted in life. I try to do the same thing every single day.
And I deserve that.
AMEN Suzie!! Here is to all of us evil selfish bitches...I am toasting you for saying it!! Cause I am right there with ya. Seems like I have heard that alot this year...that word..cause I am striving for a life I love and bliss that I follow!! Keep being you hon....Let Fly with it girl! The universe will love ya for it!!!
Hugs and love, Sarah
I am so sorry the end was trashed..geesh!
So true, Suzie! We only live once and should make the most of it. Have you read the book? I haven't yet and I want to see the movie eventually.
Jennifer, I have a chronic illness too and I so related to your comment.
You ladies and fellow bitches are awesome!!! LOVING these comments and keep 'em coming.
BTW, I did read the book. Took me 2 1/2 years, I just finished it a couple of weeks ago. I am having a hard time reading these days, sitting in pain and concentrating on words is just too hard with my fibro this bad. That said, I did like the book but think I enjoyed the movie even more. I got lost in the journey which is what I wanted. That's one of the reasons I was so pissed that the ending was completely and utterly ruined!
Ignoring the messages, especially those that come through our bodies, is dangerous stuff indeed. If we do not listen, our bodies will make us. I am a hobbling testament to that fact.
Great post. I have a problem with women that don't choose their own lives. I am married, with children, and even homeschooling them, and I chose this life. Every decision I make, I make because I want to, not because I am expected to. I read the beginning of the book Eat Pray Love online (through Oprah's site) and didn't like it because I just don't have much patience for women like that. I know it happens, but to me, I don't understand why women make decisions based on what they think they are supposed to be doing, not what they truly want.
We are individuals with our own desires, minds and dreams. Why is it that so many don't respect ourselves?
Like I said over at Shelagh's post, I don't understand why all this fuss is being made about Eat, Pray, Love. There are lots of good novels and movies about women learning more about themselves, their strengths and their lives. Why this particular one has exploded into such incredible popularity is a bit mystifying to me.
What a great post and I can totally relate. I will never understand the need to judge women who choose a different path than the supposed "norm" that has been established.
I love the idea of going off and finding oneself. I, like Liz, traveled alone with just a small backpack through Europe and Turkey. I was 26 years old. I saved and scrimped and planned and took the leap. It was wonderful, I was following a dream of mine. It was HARD work to get everything in place. Saving, quitting a job, leaving my fate to the winds, not knowing what I was going to do when I came back, what was ahead of me.....no safety net.
I did the things you say below. There is nothing wrong with those things. I don't think we are programmed to assume that to do anything big for yourself means you are a horrible woman.
"What is so wrong about wanting to be alone? To go on an adventure?
To fight depression and sorrow with things that make you happy? To want more out of life than what most people choose?
Oh to eat with abandon!
To find stillness, forgiveness and a connection to a higher consciousness, as well as rediscover who we are outside of our regular setting."
I think this story appeals to us because we all want to escape to something better,a happier place. What better than food, spirituality and love.
I just did not "get" why such a clamour was made over this particular author and her story. Maybe it is because more women are feeling trapped and desire to break free and do what they want. She is our fantasy role model?
Maybe I am starting to understand.
Given the same opportunites and lack of commitments or children or health problems or money problems or caregiving duties etc. I am sure thousands of women would do the same thing. It is sad that they cannot. I certainly don't think she is a "bitch". I think that she had the opportunity to do what so many women dream to do but can't. She was living out what hundreds of women would love to do but cannot.
I guess what it boils down to for me is I don't know why such she is considered SO brave and daring for what she did.
It is amazing how this story has affected people. When I wrote my blog post, I don't think I've ever had so many comments.
I did the same thing as she did but did not find romance at the end,(would have been nice) but coming home,I had a much better sense of who I was and the greater world around me and the knowledge that I can depend on myself when things get tough.
Women are strong and deserve to live out their dreams. Some people just have to work harder than others to make theirs come true.
Go Suzie!!
An awesome post!
I chose to see this movie all by myself so I could really watch intently with no interruptions! Right there I'm sure I broke some tabu about women going out alone. (maybe I'll eat in a restaurant alone someday- gasp!)
You're SO right - if a man had made this trip, he'd be hero, or an enlightened buddha.
Liz is getting unfair back-lash for "exploiting the Eastern world" to make money in the Western world.
Whatever...I say -if your book and experience is a goldmine, go for it!
YES!!!
After I saw the movie I read a bunch of reviews and my heart was seething, absolutely seething! I couldn't believe how downright vicious they were - not so much about the movie but about Liz's life!
There is clearly something deep-seated in the cultural consciousness that's being set off not only by this story but by the masses of women who are being moved by it. Perhaps a rebellion is on the horizon - one filled with bitchy women insisting on writing their own stories, no matter what anyone else has to say!
I haven't read the book but I'm starting to want to. I definitely want to go see the movie after seeing some trailers for it and an interview with Liz.
Thanks for being my favorite bitch. :)
i did not see the movie, did not read the book but i like your post!
it is always better to be a bitch than beiing a dummy!
i am single, love living alone. i will admit here that if one more person posts on their FB page the short film about how to live alone, i may scream. especially if they tell me i must see this. i hate that assumption that we all have problems with living alone, living our own lives, that someone else's words/film will tell us how, make us less afraid. always that assumption that we aren't able to do it on our own, even in subtle ways like the constant posting & reposting & sharing of this video - and all of these postings were by women. a very subtle form of here, let me help you, you don't know how. and that's how bitchy i am.
i haven't seen eat, pray, love. i read the book way back before it was hip & was turned off by elizabeth gilbert's politics. one line that said to me that she was sure her entire audience would be women who thought exactly like her. i put that aside, that bit of arrogance, and read the book anyway, and thought it was okay. otherwise, not a big fan.
i also haven't listened to/read any notices. apparently they are mad at ms. gilbert for pursuing dreams? oh well. if women can not like sarah palin, surely they can not like elizabeth gilbert. who cares? certainly not either of those women.
and i guess me either. never married, no children, paying all my own bills. other women do not owe me their approval.
terrific post, even if i will wait to see this movie via: netflix.
Awesome post, Suzie! I'm sorry that the ending was spoiled (I would've cried!)
I adored the book...it took almost a year to read it because I didn't want it to end...I read it really slowly, and just enjoyed the journey. This book was one of the many life-changing books, blogs, people, and places I've encountered in the past couple of years.
I refuse to read the reviews, because I know that many people just don't 'get it'. They don't and won't understand.
My sisters and I are planning a movie night, the next time I go back home, to Virginia...but I do like the idea of going by myself, just to be sure I don't miss anything, and can enjoy every morsel.
Thanks so much for the post!
Jane
Awesome post, Suzie! Suddenly, I'm thinking of seeing this movie. And if learning to live for yourself and follow your own heart and intuition means you're an evil bitch, sign me up for the evil bitch club and send me my membership pin! I am so ready to move further along on that journey.
Suzie,
Your post is SPOT ON! My mom and I just saw the movie last night and it reminded me how important it is to listen (and ACT ON) those sweet dreams of desire that whisper our longings of what we really want for ourselves and our lives.
Shame on those who view Liz' grand adventures as self-indulgent. She wrote a memoir for God's sake, not a novel. The story IS about her and it's a story about taking risks to remember who you are if you've forgotten.
Thank you for writing such a compelling and passionate post. I look forward to reading more of your words.
Cheers!
Lisa
I never understood why people, especially women people, can't see to understand that it doesn't dimish US if someone else has a dream that is different than ours.
I am so tired of being told what is "acceptable" for me. I chose to leave a marriage, so they tell me that I should not hope to have a partner and family. I chose to take a job that now is choking my spirit, but I am told I should just accept what I have and not dream of more. I chose to stop having children with my ex, so have been told that I can't now desire another child with a new love.
It took me so long to realize that it doesn't matter what THEY say, I need to listen to ME.
I try to always remember "that might not be for me, but that doesn't mean its selfish...(or whatever)" and doing things for my OWN benefit is NOT selfish, its necessary.
It took me a long time to get over what everyone thinks I should do, or trying to do only what is allowable... now I am working towards listening to my soul and make conscious PERSONALLY meaningful decisions for ME...
You rock! :)
Hey, thanks for this post. I have been trying to decide which to do first, read the book or see the movie. I have been noticing all the scathing reviews, and wondered about that. It was nice to hear an opinion from someone who is like-minded who has seen the movie as well as read the book.
Peace,
Chris..............
Thank you SO much for this wonderfully refreshing review!! I have felt exactly the same way, wondering where all this hate is coming from. I'm so glad she was able to take this journey, that there is one less shattered heart in this world. Have a beautiful day! :-)
I can't wait to see the movie. I've had the book since I was pregnant with my twins and am jsut now starting to read it. Unfortunately, with 3 small children, I don't have time to read or see movies, but I am really interested in the book and the movie. Like most people have said, women don't take time to listen to what it is that they want. We tend to follow along with what society tells us. For me that meant wondering if I was making the right choice staying in a relationship for years without getting married (14). So many people told me that I needed to give him an ultimatum. I knew that I was happy and I listened to me. For some it is about getting married and having children, for others it is something completely different. What matters is that we listen to what is right for us as individuals!
Personally seeing the author interviewed just rubbed me the wrong way...following the Goddess is nothing if not unique...I would hazard a guess this movie is no 'Practical Magic'...
Great post, Suzie! I love the book but haven't seen the movie yet...but I sure would have cried too if the ending had been ruined. I say well done to Liz for reaching out and finding a better and happier path!
Can't say how much I adored this post, Suzie! Perfection.
I haven't read the book yet (waiting to se if I win Mother Moon's giveaway before buying it, lol), and the movie wasn't launched here yet, but I know I'll love it anyway.
People are weird, aren't they? When it's about sacrifices an pain, everybody loves it. But when it's bout finding yourself again in happiness and love and shining inside out, people will usually hate it. We must be these bitches alright! :o)
Kisses and much love from us.
yes, yes and yes!!!!!
Hi Suzie! I just found you from a link on Honoring Health!
I love this post. I haven't seen this movie yet, but I loved the book and I agree with you completely. Our society looks down on women who seem to be the least bit "selfish" because many women play the role of giver in their careers, marriages, the lives of children in they have them, etc. This is wonderful, because everyone, men and women, has something wonderful to give. However, I believe that a person needs to take care of themselves in order to give to others, and women tend to neglect themselves to make others happy.
Women like Liz recognize their own needs and have the guts to actually do something about it. I hope women will read the book or see the movie and remember to take time for themselves, whether it's taking a year off to travel the world or making time to exercise in the morning.
McKella
loved, loved, loved your review. though i'm totally quoting this wrong, the line in the movie that got to me the most was "i didn't want to hurt anyone, i just wanted to go away". who hasn't had that kind of moment!? i also choose not to have children but spend my life following pursuits that interest me and will (hopefully) make me the best version of me that i can be. i will not feel guilty for sleeping through the night, i will not feel guilty for being able to spend my free time however i choose. that is my choice and i'm sticking to it! kudos to us both Suzie!
Excellent post! I have yet to see the movie but I really enjoyed the book. I think more women should be able to do what Liz did AND feel ok about it!
I loved the book, and can't wait to see the movie. I have found that as I've grown older, I tune out much of the noise that tells me what I can and can't do. It's been a process to listen to my own voice, and choose the path that's right for me.
When I was growing up in the 60's, it was hard to find other women who were examples of independent thought. Fortunately, today women are more encouraged to seek their own truth. However, I think that it's important that we reach out to the majority of women around the world who are oppressed.
Thanks for the great review! I can't wait to see this. I have read the book and love it.
But....seriously...is that really dill pickle stuff to sprinkle on your popcorn?!?!?!?! OMG, I need this!
Call me crazy, but if a man left his wife, kids and life behind he would be called something other then courageous. He would be called selfish and self centred. Finding God and yourself is the way to find happiness, it's too bad she abandoned those that loved her in the process.
Also, people wonder why relationships don't last? When you decide to be in a union, the women and man should be committed and act as a single person and discuss things. Not be selfish. Selfish attitudes, from the male, or female, will lead to the destruction of the relationship. I'm willing to bet, if Liz kept her self centred I'll do what I want attitude with the "man of her dreams" it would end in chaos, or, she found herself a man who just doesn't care if she lies in someone elses bed.
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