It amazes me how a place can be so white and gloomy at the same time. It defies logic, it corrupts science.
Yes, we had our first real snowfall here last night. Thankfully I do not have to shovel yet which is a good thing considering I am getting back spasms already from the cold. I just got a $600 heating bill, staying warm means paying a second mortgage half the year here. And, I am still freezing, wracked with pain.
I lit this candle last night. It was still officially the full moon. I had a warm bath (our house is heated with hot water so there is no such thing as a hot bath here) with epsom salts and a couple of drops of tea tree oil. My skin is allergic to the winters here, I am hoping the tea tree oil helps me suffer less.
I put all my sadness and pain from the last three years into the water. Imagined the bath water was all my tears from the past three years. Then said good-bye and let them go down the drain.
Five more months of torture, of darkness, is ahead of me. I am determined to make it through. I have seen how anxiety can tear a life apart. I am too tough, mean and ferocious to let this winter destroy me. It is if my fourth here and my body may not be but my spirit is stronger than any winter, anywhere.
I can not promise I will not be changed under the crushing pain, become even more bitter. But I will not break.
5 comments:
I'm sure flannel and fleece will be your BFFs these next few months!
{{{{warmest hugs}}}}
(((((SUZIE))))))
Why are you guys staying there if it hurts you so bad? Can you move south a bit?
Yup, I live in polar fleece here and sleep in flannel Debra, you are so smart! Thanks Paula, I appreciate the warm hug so much. Amanda, you too! I have to stay here because of my husband's job. We're trying to get a transfer but it is going to take at least another year, Goddess help me!
A bit of snow here in Germany too. Oh my, winter is catching us now, let's keep pur fingers crossed, it will not be as bad as the last one!
xo FM
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