Maritimers! I need your advice!

This summer Reg and I are not straying too far from home but we are looking into unusual day trips in the Maritimes and would love to hear your suggestions.

For example, we really want to go to the Shag Harbour's UFO Festival which is totally up our geeky alley. I love all things supernatural but have already been to Magnetic Hill. We are looking for quirky and unusual places to visit and explore.

So do you have any suggestions? What do we need to see in the Maritimes that will make us laugh? That will blow our minds?

Turning into a hermit

Lately I have gotten the Hermit card constantly. Like for weeks. I thought change might finally be coming for me but I seriously doubt it now. I am trying to make peace with what is but it is tough. It is time to withdraw and think.



We have had a brutal Nova Scotia winter, followed by a BC winter with tons of rain and darkness. Even the most optimistic person would struggle through the weather we have been getting. I've been holding on to the hope that we will get out of here in the next year or so but there is no energy in a lie.

So I give up. I put up my hands to the universe and let go. At least the pain is not as torturous as it was during the winter. I just wish it would warm up. I have lived without the sun before but the damp cold is just cruel.

I will spend this time of isolation in contemplation. Figure out what the heck am I going to accomplish all by myself in the dark. When the weather is like this, staying inside alone is easy. Who wants to go outside here anyway?

Thank god for Starbucks! My surprising oasis...

It was a weird day yesterday. In order for you to see the details I could in the clouds, I fiddled with the levels so it was not as dark as this but it was as weird-looking. I had to take a bus to meet up with a doctor who I basically interviewed to replace the one I had that left the country. Ever time I have to take the bus, the weather is always crap. But then, the weather always seems to be crap, especially this year.



Because the buses only run once a half hour I had time to kill and was shocked when I saw there was a Starbucks nearby! I used to loathe Starbucks because they poisoned me with their strong coffee once, instead of giving me decaf coffee. Yet, I am so sick of Tim Hortons and their trashy customers who fill my neighbourhood with cups and filth that this felt like an oasis in a dark, dark desert.



It felt so civilized and something I have missed. There are so few cafes anywhere in the city or in the outlying areas. All you get here are double doubles and donuts. Even Perks downtown is now a Tim Hortons. This almost brought me to tears. I loved that cafe!



All I got was a hot chocolate with a shot of hazelnut. It was beautiful. As I sat in the comfy leather chair, I almost felt normal. This is something I used to do, a lot. I've missed it. I am more a BC Blenz woman but I will take this, thank you very much. I took out my foodie magazines and read for a while, almost happy.



The wind on the walk home was just as brutal as the way to the doctor's. By the time I got home, I was absolutely exhausted. It appears as though everything here is a fight, a struggle. I never thought I would say this. Thank god for Starbucks!

My Electronic Scrapbook: Whistler BC Visit Spring 2002

I think we were in Whistler in February or maybe March 2002 at the latest. Here Reg is sunbathing on a bench in the village. We were invited to Whistler on a business trip with Reg's company and were so excited to really get to spend the weekend there as well as see old friends again.



It is absolutely stunning in Whistler, as the world found out at the last Olympics. You are surrounded by snow but at this time of year it was quite warm. There were women skiing in bikinis, believe it or not, working on their tans.



There happened to be a dog show going on when we were there. I was in heaven! I love dogs.



This is the first Newfie dog I saw in real life and I fell in love. One of my favourite dogs ever.



Reg and his boss who really took care of us and helped us out so much by letting Reg telecommute. She knew how hard Ottawa was on my health and went the extra mile to help improve our situation.



We went out to the most luxurious three-fondue meal, wish I had photos of that! First, cheese. Then, meat. Last, chocolate! I was a vegetarian at this point so I only got to indulge in two course but they were divine. Here Reg and I were hanging out in the lobby of our hotel and we felt so at home there. In fact our dining room table we bought two years ago reminds us of this hotel. All wood and stone.



We drove home past The Chief on our way back to Vancouver very happy.



We took our friend Cathy to visit Belcarra Park after we got home from Whistler, wanting to share its beauty with her.



This is me in my element. By the water, hanging out with the mountains, letting the sunset beam across my face. I was happy. So very happy.

Friendly Reflections

Our friends are getting ready to move on to a new phase in their life so I put together this video for them so they can always remember the good times we have had here together. They have been dear friends who have meant the world to us.

May their new life be filled with adventure, success and new friends. We will miss you.

Life in a black-hole

Looks like I am stuck in Nova Scotia's gravitational nothing-ever-changes black hole. Anywhere else, change eventually happens. It is kind of a guarantee and I know some people here appreciate things staying the same.

That is not what I am about at all but I am too tired to have any hope that things will get better for me here or that fate will finally let me leave. A crushing blow struck me yesterday to tell me to give up all hope. There was a good chance we could take a step into our future and now I am left realizing it could be years before that hope is ever realized.

OK Universe, go ahead and prove me wrong. Until then, I will hide in my kitchen because I just have nothing else to do.

A sudden shift and the world becomes warm and bright

UPDATE: Hope is now officially gone. 

It appears as though spring has finally found us. We have had countless weeks of rain and darkness on the east coast and yesterday, yesterday it was sunny and warm. I even kicked off my hut booties because my feet were warm, I couldn't believe it.

I am hoping this is a symbolic shift. Today, right now, something major is happening. I can't tell you about it or what it entails, just that it might mean one significant step back home to BC. I can barely breathe. I have no power over the outcome but maybe, just maybe, there is some hope for us.

That our darkness will soon be replaced with sunshine.

I thought I was without hope but no, I believe. I believe that positive change can finally come for me and my husband. I just hope that I am right!

Wishcasting: What dreams are you wishing for?

What dreams am I wishing for? Well that is easy to answer! I wish to be the person I used to be, happily living on Vancouver Island, hiking in the woods every day communing with nature. I do not even recognize myself these days. This is who I recognize, me grinning and mischievous, knowing I scored the lottery, living a life I had always dreamed of.



I may live in Nova Scotia right now but I do not live near the ocean. I wish to go back to the island and have many beaches to go visit and commune with the gentle Pacific Ocean. Pick up giant clam shells and watch the herons go fishing. Listen to the mallards complain and the seagulls scream.



I spent as much time by the water as I could when I was out west and loved it. Here along her sparkling or spooky shores (depending on the weather) I am home. It is where I am meant to be. I wish to return to that gentle beautiful place where I was free and full of joy.



I wish to walk under the giant trees who were my friends. Who I miss with all my heart. I dream of going back home and feeling "right" again. Being happy with my husband again. I dream that his job makes that real as soon as possible.

I am hopeful that these dreams can become a reality. I used to not be able to look at my photos of the past. They were like a dagger in my heart that I had to remove and throw away. I can do it now. I am closer to my future now and am putting it out there that I want to return to the island wiser, stronger and grateful of what I had and what I will have. I will never take that life for granted ever again.

Blessed be!

Making peace with a zombie robin

I think I cracked the nut of the zombie robin mystery. I started wondering what would drive me so over the edge and get me all freaked out like mini Rob Zombie? It became clear to me. Noise. And not being able to sleep. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!!!



Remember the pie plate I had put in a tree to scare off the woodpecker? Well it makes a hell of a lot of noise all the time. What if that sounds was literally driving this robin crazy? I immediately went outside, cut down the pie plate eyeball and since then, all has been quiet.

What a relief! And now... I feel guilty. I suppose this was all my fault? I personally blame the woodpecker though. I would have let well enough alone had he not attacked my roof.

Regardless, all seems to be better with the world. Although I hesitate to say that, feels like an invitation for more drama from Nature. Fingers crossed that I have made peace with the tiny natural world around me.

My Electronic Scrapbook: Fall & Winter 2001 & Spring 2002

Time moved quickly for us after creating a life in Vancouver. We went on many adventures with our new friends, participated in festivals and Reg started performing in kung fu tournaments. The next thing we new, autumn came to Vancouver and the days became shorter very quickly. The rainy season would be upon us any moment and my camera would be stuck inside while I hiked in our hood in the wet, so grateful it wasn't snow.

Above you see a mallard swimming in the pond at Central Park in Burnaby, BC. Reg and I would go there regularly. He would run the paths and workout with the free outdoor obstacle course and workout area. I would walk, write and photograph everything I could. Birds are always my favourite and this is one of my most special photos. I am still completely in love with the reflection of the light on the water. Hard to believe that day was over ten years ago.



Winter does find Vancouver, eventually. She comes and makes the world pretty with her snow and because she does not stay for long out west, she made me want to go outside and visit her.



The convenience store across the street from us. How often I would buy eggs and milk from there! Note the gang tag on the right. Our area was a dangerous one in a lot of ways. It was something I really hated about living there. That and the drug culture. Such a shame that such a great place is also deeply corrupt.



Here is the golf course with the walking trail all around it. In the fall I had bumped into a coyote and wished I had my camera to capture the experience. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life and stupid me was convinced it was a wolf! It had yellow eyes and it was huge and looked like a wolf. I still had a lot to learn about living on the west coast. I am originally from Toronto after all! What did I know about coyotes? To me Ottawa was a tiny town, LOL.



As soon as winter came, signs of spring blossomed and the snow quickly faded into a pretty memory. It was so nice not to hate winter for the first in my life. It has always been profoundly oppressive for me. The pain it causes is beyond my ability to express in words.



Reg and I celebrated our second Valentine's Day as a married couple and he insisted on getting me a dozen red roses. I love my husband.



As I said, spring came quickly, the light still wan but beautiful. We took our friend Cathy out to Belcarra Park in Port Moody which is across from Deep Cove in North Vancouver. So beautiful. Although we had not yet discovered Buntzen Lake which quickly became one of our favourite places in the world...



On our way home we stopped by the Coquitlam Center. That is our white car in the photo, the one we lost in our accident three years ago. I just had to take a photo of that neighbourhood on the mountain side. I had never seen anything quite like it. I felt something special there, a connection as I looked up to take the photograph.

I had no idea at the time, this would soon be our future home. That change was coming for us, once again.

Zombie robin continues to drive me insane

Here is the trouble maker that has been turning my life upside down. I really did not want him to get hurt anymore so I tried a few more things to prevent him from attacking his own reflection.



People recommended putting decals in the window so I did. These owls were up in my window but see all the water from the gallons of rain that has been falling? As a result, you can't see these guys at all from outside.



So when there was a break in the rain (thank god!) I got out there and put wax paper up on my window.



Which made the darkness of my kitchen (despite the white paint) all that much darker. And now I have no view.

The result? The robin started attacking our car and crapping all over it. I mean, ALL OVER IT. I cleaned the car, walked all the way to Canadian Tire, bought a tarp and came home and then car was crapped on again. I washed the car again (disgusting) and then somehow covered the car with the damn tarp, winging it. My back and knees screaming the entire time.

Thankfully that has kept mini Rob Zombie away from the car (I refuse to spend my days cleaning crap) but this morning he attacked the bedroom window. Which is too high up for me to wax paper up.

So, what to do?

I am going to take the wax paper off the kitchen window. Yes, it freaks me out to be cooking with him head bashing the entire time but waking me up in the morning is out of the question.

I had a friend on Facebook tell me that because of the shift in the earth's axis due to the earthquake in Japan, birds all over the world have been acting strangely. Animals have ended up migrating to different places. So I am going to try and send healing energy to the earth and her animals. It has been a tough year already for so many of us. I can live with a zombie robin as long as it stops crapping on my car and waking me up.

My energy level is so low right now. This has zapped me right out. I haven't been able to cook, clean, do anything because of this little guy. I know it may seem small to most people but when you have fibromyalgia, everything is huge and tarping a car took everything I had. May the little guy know that all is well and he can stop attacking himself now.

Happy Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

Yeah, LOL, yay... May 12 is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, lucky us. I recently got out of the library one of the latest books on the topic, The Fibromyalgia Solution: A Breakthrough Approach to Heal Your Body and Take Back Your Life. Note, published in 2007, LOL.

I ordered it to see if there were any breakthroughs I had not heard about. I have read countless books on this topic, studied my illness from top to bottom. At the time, the connection and realization that people with fibromyalgia have a heightened sense of fight or flight to the smallest things in life was a big breakthrough. His basic premise for really getting at the heart of the cause of fibro is, work on stress.

Wow, thanks.

He admits it is much harder than it sounds but believes that over time many people with fibro can re-program their body's response to realize that it is not in mortal danger and to stop the adrenaline rush of fear and stress to help the body over time produce dopamine again. Dopamine helps with pain management. Those with fibro usually have none left in their bodies.

But then there are people like me. I have had a sleeping disorder my entire life. I have only had two good nights of sleep throughout my whole life where I woke up refreshed. In a way, that realization was crushing. How unfair that the rest of the world gets to think clearly and feel good when usually, I feel horrible all the time and there is nothing I can do about it.

I work on the parasympathic nervous system all the time. I try and reprogram my body's response to the little things, the big things...

After a decade of searching for answers I finally had a healer admit to me that sleeping disorders as old and ingrained as mine are next to impossible to fix. You can improve it a bit but I am hardwired to be this way.

I know many people who have gotten off gluten and their fibro goes away. I have heard of people removing their metal fillings and instantly feel better. That hot baths with epsom salts are the key to healing fibromyalgia. I have tried all of these and many, many more approaches to healing my fibro. They have not worked.

What I would like people to become "aware" of on May 12th is that for some people with fibro, there is no magic pill, no magic practice that heals this illness. I have tried everything. I have made peace with the fact that it is just part of my path and to just be OK with living with pain and exhaustion. I listen to my body, I do what I can and let go of the rest.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a book I need to return to the library. It is time to start letting go of doctors' wisdom and start listening to the wise woman inside myself that says it is OK to be this way Suzie. With all you are up against, you are doing amazing. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Yeah, she is much smarter than any doctor.

Looking for a little relief in a cold, wet, dark world

I think it has been more than three weeks since we had a day without rain. So dark, miserable and cold, I am still living in turtlenecks and polar fleece. Always cold. I have been cold for eight months. At least I am not these poor souls working outside in the rain.



Even a white kitchen can not fight the doom and gloom that lives in Nova Scotia. The robin keeps coming back every day, attacking my kitchen window. I put up a dreamboard with Reg's face on it, hoping that would help. It only made it worse. I took it down.

The robin is starting to freak me out. I think this miserable spring has driven it mad. I am now thinking of the poor little guy as Zombie Robin. I can hear him upstairs bouncing against our kitchen window as I write this.

Some people can be cheerful under any circumstances. I have come to make peace with the fact that I am not one of these people. I survived my fourth crippling winter here only to be halfway through May still chilled to the bone. I know life could be worse but when you live with chronic pain, a little relief would go a long, long way.

My Electronic Scrapbook: Summer & Fall 2001

The last time I wrote about our life in BC it was in the spring of 2001 when my sister Jamie came to visit. Spring turned into summer and something amazing happened. In just half a year, Reg and I got a life. The beautiful summer weather arrived and we just had to see the lush green world around us. Reg found an amazing deal on a car and we got our Mazda 323. We were mobile!

Reg returned to one of his old loves, archery. We would go to the range (I think it was in Burnaby) on the weekends and he would shoot his fabulous shiny red bow. I loved photographing him, so happy to be outside at the range. So in his element.


Reg and his Northern Shaolin Kung Fu class in Stanley Park in downtown Vancouver

On one of my walks I had picked up a pamphlet about programs at the Killarney Community Center and found out there were Northern Shaolin Kung Fu classes. It is like I heard a bell ring in my head (which also happened when I heard about Reg for the first time). I knew he always wanted to study this style of kung fu and that this was the class for him. He signed up and it changed his life, forever. He fell in love with the style of kung fu, found a mentor and later on discovered he was a natural teacher.



This changed my life too. We had all these events to go to including watching lion dances which I never got bored of. Reg got to perform in many of the school's demonstrations and we were given a sense of community that we really needed and wanted. To be a part of something. They welcomed us and always made us feel at home.



Another surprising thing happened. We met our friend Cathy and her daughters were (and still are) enchanting. They lived in our building and after we met, we became instant friends and over time, felt like family. All of a sudden I had company on my walks in the summertime when the girls were out of school. We hung out, baked together and I watched more Pokemon than I care to remember. The girls were crazy about Manga.



Then in the fall, a year after we had moved away, I could finally go home for a visit. Here you see my mom and Shannon who has clearly fallen into a fit of giggles so I just had to take a photograph. Shannon's laughter is so infectious!



While in Toronto there was an exhibit at Casa Loma about Lord of the Rings. This was before the movie came out and everything was hush hush. Reg is a huge fan so I did not tell him about the exhibit. Jamie and Justin came with me to check it out and of course we also had to walk up to the top of a spooky tower. I love this photo of Jamie! So cool.


... and Reg grew a goatee!

I took many photos at the exhibit and put together a small gallery of them for Reg for his birthday which we celebrated when I came home.



How wonderful it was to have friends to come over and celebrate Reg's birthday with us. We had been in Vancouver a year and were definitely no longer alone.

Going orthodic free

Thirteen years ago I left an aerobics class and walked towards my future husband Reg. I took one step and heard the sole of my right foot crack. The next step? My left foot cracked. I felt no pain at the time but knew there was something terribly wrong. The next day my feet swelled and I could not wear shoes for weeks. I went to a chiropodist who told me I had been wearing shoes almost two sizes too small for my feet for god knows how long.

I trained as a dancer growing up. I was used to forcing my feet into painful shoes and dancing anyway. By the time my arches broke, I had completely lost the ability to move my toes and walked on my heels because my feet had essentially been bound for over a decade.

I had to donate all my shoes and begin again. I had just bought these beautiful Italian leather shoes for work that were like a dream. There was no way my feet would ever fit inside them again. Letting go of all those shoes broke my heart. Since then, I have not bought shoes with any joy at all. I have also used the cheap orthodics you see in the photo above for over a decade, held together with duct tape and then packing tape.



I finally got real orthodics but I hate them. I put them in my winter boots and came home with bloody feet. If I use these, I have to get rid of all the shoes I own, again. Also, I walk on my back heels on the outside and this humungous arch only reinforces this bad walking behaviour. When I put them in my hiking boots for the first time at the shoe clinic, the guy had to help me to the front door. I could barely walk. It seemed to make a bad situation much worse and I paid a hell of a lot for these.



The only shoes I have been able to bring myself to buy are ones that are impossible to wear with orthodics. In fact, I am inside my house around eight months of the year and the only thing I wear on my feet other than thermal socks are my MEC Hut Booties. Technically I have already been living orthodic free for quite a while now. Since I broke the arches in my feet I have regained power over my toes and no longer walk on my heels as much as I used to.

I am doing exercises to strengthen my feet rather than choose to wear crutches in my shoes that seem to make a bad situation worse. I think I have finally decided to let go of orthodics and try and get really good shoes that are supportive and fit my feet well instead of these pieces of plastic that I hope I no longer need.

Please let me know if you have worn orthodics, have chosen not to wear them, know of great supportive footware... All my shoes are so old and I need to take the next step to living orthodic free.