Wishcasting: What Do You Wish To Say No To?

Wishcasting: What Do You Wish To Say No To?

Thank you Jamie for this Wishcasting prompt. I have been waiting for it. Yesterday I asked my amazing friends here for some white light and did they ever come through for me. Thank you, I adore you all and it helped so much.

I could not wait until today because I was all tied up in knots before going to my doctor's appointment. You see in the spring I ruptured my left ear drum. For days I was deaf and living in terror. Then it slowly healed but then became impacted. Because it had been broken, I could not use drops, I could not have my ear irrigated for a month. As time passed, the ringing in my ear started. I started to scream inside because of the tinnitus.

When I had my ear finally irrigated, my eardrum finally free... The ringing was still there. It had become metallic. Not too bad in the morning but at night I was curled up into a ball, feeling hopeless, scared I would go mad. I feel sick all the time and so very scared.

I have never been one for loud noises, music, sound of any kind. I crave quiet and have been robbed of it. I already live with chronic pain and exhaustion. The idea of living with chronic noise in my head is just too much.

There is no way of knowing if it is going to heal but the doctor did say that it appears that my ears are responding to allergies of some kind. Which is odd considering, as far as I know, I have very few allergies at all. She has given me some medication which I hope with all my heart, will help.

It is not just me. We seem to be plagued with more and more health issues. So I wish to say no to the idea that we can't heal. I wish to say no to being eclipsed with despair. I wish to say no to all ailments, all forms of physical, emotional, spiritual torture, all bad luck.

In doing so I say yes to healing, to life improving, to my ear calming down and becoming quiet once more. To having Reg's health issues resolved too. Thank you for helping us heal.

Would you mind sparing us some white light?

I am filled with fear. I may have another chronic health problem to deal with and I just can't. I know today isn't Wishcasting but I kind of need some support right now. I am hoping that I get some good news and that there is something doctors can do to help. I tried not to write about it at all, be patient and hope for the best. Which isn't my style.



So would you do me a favour? Would you surround us with some white light my friends? I would really appreciate it. I have written petitions to the Universe, cried to the trees... I just need some help.

I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to eat much and am sick to my stomach with anxiety all the time.

Hopefully I will have good news soon but whatever you can do to support us, thank you.

We are Eh-OK

Believe it or not, this is not a black and white photograph. Just a maple leaf flattened by car after car in the library parking lot until it turned black.

Luckily for us on the east coast we did not get flattened by Hurricane Irene. In fact, it hardly touched us.

Yes, I was up all night off and on because of the crazy gusts of wind that would blow through our area but we hardly got rain and have definitely had worst storms in our recent past.

Today the sun is shining and the wind seems to have blown away the miserable humidity. We are even supposed to get sun all week, I can hardly believe it.

I hope this means things are looking up. Life has been very dark and challenging for a while. It would be a great change of pace for life to feel a bit better and more hopeful now.

Here comes Irene!

Martinique Beach, Nova Scotia

Thankfully we did get some sunshine after Dad and Julie left but I woke up this morning to grey skies and crows freaking out. The kept cawing until I woke up and closed the windows. One guy was right outside my window, watching me. That never happens.

By the time the storm really hits, it will night time. It is supposed to weaken to a tropical storm when it comes to the east coast. What is amazing is just how large it is. The size of Europe? Now that is a mega storm!

I hope everyone stays safely away from the water and the roads. I will be baking homemade bread and popcorn for the big event, hoping we do not lose power.

Stay safe everyone!

Trip to Blomidon, Nova Scotia

When Dad and Julie were here visiting we drove up through the valley to Blomidon which is on the Bay of Fundy, famous for its wild tides. Here you can see the tide is out leaving the ships to nestle on the red sand.

We had to stop and take a photograph of this phenomenon. I love that you can also see in the distance land standing in the middle of the water that has not yet been eroded into the sea.



From there we drove up to the parking lot where you hike in to the woods. We just wanted the view so we took some photographs and made our way down to the lower parking lot.



To get down to the beach was still quite a hike so we just took photographs from the lookoff instead.



My dad absolutely had to stop here and take a photograph which I thoroughly agreed with. The contrasting colours and picturesque nature of the landscape was too delicious not to capture with our cameras.

As you can see, again my family brought that Ontario sunshine with them which appears to have left with them as well, just as it did when Jamie came to visit. In fact we will probably be getting smacked a little this weekend by Irene but already the darkness has descended on the east coast again. Oh well, I've missed spending time in my kitchen.

I just hope the power doesn't go out this Sunday!

Random BC Photo

Hatley Castle Gardens, Vancouver Island, British Columbia, 2007

That is a statue of winter (if I remember correctly) personified in stone. Behind her is the lagoon where I used to walk and commune with the ocean. I must have taken a hundred photo of her face. Right now, this just feels so very symbolic to me. Flowers are still out and summer is still here but I know what awaits me. Winter is on the horizon.

Things have been so very hard but I have been trying to smell the various flowers and continue to fix things, make the best of things and turn everything around. Our lives are absolutely stuck in uncertainty mixed with lots of limbo. I call it, anxiety stew. Well I might as well season it with all the spices I got.

We have family coming to visit for the next few days so I will be absent but not entirely lost. It will be good to have company, life has been very lonely.

I don't know why these photos soothe me so much but they do. I know it is sad, living in the past. But when the past is so very beautiful and healing... I say, why not?

Halloween is approaching...

Normally I would celebrate the day Halloween merchandise shows up at my dollar store but not today. We are only just starting to get beautiful summer weather.

My brain can not fathom it. My spirit is in shock.

Yes, I will try and appreciate each beautiful day but life has just got to improve. As usual, everything is at a snail's pace here except winter's approach.

It reminds me of Mike Meyer's. Never far behind, not moving at super speed but always in the background making its gradual approach.

Wishcasting: What Do You Wish to Choose?

Jamie is asking this week for Wishcasting: What do you wish to choose?

I wish to choose prosperity and abundance.

We have gone through financial crashes before, a few times. I do not need to learn this lesson anymore. Living off the 50% rack at the grocery store and buying pasta from the dollar store is getting tiresome and heartbreaking. I really do not need to learn how to struggle anymore. I am so tired of it. We worked so hard to try and "make it" and sacrificed so much and now everything might be for nothing.



I choose an elegant and beautifully decadent life. Like this $20 sparkling wine apricot sorbet I made. I am ready to be rich and live a stunning and delicious life. I choose to live like Martha Stewart with zero guilt and all the success.

I need for our lives to be prosperous. I keep buying lotto tickets and hoping. Life keeps getting more frightening. I need that to stop. I choose to believe that our lives will become abundant and filled with good luck. That everything is going to be more than OK.

Product Testing: Scotts' EZ Seed Turf Builder

We have some problem areas of our lawn and you know I love product testing so I wanted to try out Scotts' EZ Seed Turf Builder. Along the curb and the driveway we had so many weeds. One day after a giant storm when the ground was nice and soft I just dug some up. I made sure the top of the soil was well aerated the way you are supposed to.



I like that the tub has this easy-to-pour spout. I covered the area in the grass seed.



Then I sprinkled with water, making sure to moisten without letting water puddle.

At this point my one complaint is that their instructions were just a little too simple. How often do you water? For how long? How long does it take for the grass to show up?



I would go out two time a days when it was actually sunny and water the area. In just over a week, I had grass!

This is the absolute worst area of my garden where I thought absolutely nothing but weeds would ever grow. I am hoping that it continues to thicken because right now, it is quite a thin patch of grass but it is way better than before.

No, you don't just sprinkle and grass magically grows. You do have to make an effort and my effort paid off. I will buy more!

My Electronic Scrapbook: Winter Solstice 2002

We still had green grass on the plateau but more and more often the mountains around us back in 2002 were dusted in snow in December.



Reg was the kung fu school's magician at their Christmas party.



Unfortunately Reg got very sick on the MSG in the food and we had to go home before he could perform, poor guy! Another reason why I make all our food.



Around the winter solstice we spontaneously decided to go to the VanDusen Botanical Gardens' Festival of Lights.



We had never seen anything like it! It was so beautiful.



Our friend Cathy decided she would like to come too and enjoy the lights.



Here you have a lake, completely surrounded by trees covered in lights. This was before LED lights became popular so it was quite magical and special.



I used this photograph of me and Reg for our electronic Christmas card that year since we would not be able to get home for the holidays.



As people who celebrate lights in the dark more than a man in a red suit, I love that they included real firelight at the festival as well.



What a fun and beautiful experience it was!



I had my first roasted chestnuts thanks to Cathy buying some from a vendor at the festival. Now I always think of this special evening together when I eat some. Truly a stunning evening and wonderful memory of winter in BC for us.

Random BC Photo

Galloping Goose Trail, Vancouver Island, British Columbia, 2006

Our path is now completely obscured. I have no idea what the hell is going on or why. I have just given up trying to figure things out. Are we really on a path? It hasn't felt like it since we left BC and that persistent feeling that we left where are supposed to be plagues me.

Nothing feels right. Nothing makes sense. How can we be lost for more than three years?

Are we in jeopardy? I have no idea. I'll just keep walking. What else can I do?

My Electronic Scrapbook: Westwood Plateau & Trip to Toronto November 2002

In November of 2002 in our neighbourhood on the mountain in Westwood Plateau, BC, I continue to find hearts in nature around me. I love seeing these images, even today. They are my touchstone. I really was in love with my surroundings.



Mount Baker, as always, continued to amaze me on my walks. For days I wouldn't be able to see it and then the clouds would separate and the peak would become visible. How surreal to lived above the clouds.



We celebrated Reg's birthday in November and I made my very first and LAST cheesecake by hand. It was cappuccino, Reg's favourite. Next to impossible to do by hand, I think soon after I made this I got a food processor. The top of the cake cracked which almost brought me to tears. I was totally new to baking at this point and found the whole process too hard. Only for birthdays!



Sadly, I only have a few thumbnails of my trip to Toronto in November to visit family. I don't know what happened but at least I have these cute little photographs. Above you can see my sisters Jamie and Shannon.



I did those whole visit to our old neighbourhood and took photographs of everything including the house we grew up in. Sigh... Just this tiny little photo. I guess my next visit (whenever that will be) I will go back, again.



When I came back Reg and I continued our weekend adventures. We went to Harrison Hot Springs for the first time, land of the Sasquatch. The moment I arrived, I felt a crazy change in energy. Even still, I refused to mug for the camera even at Reg's strong insistence. Instead, I let him ham it up since he is so much better at in than I am.



Harrison is completely surrounded by mountains, most of which have snow on them all year, they are massive. This seems to create an energy-bowl effect, like it just keeps cradling energy until it overflows.



Harrison Lake is also quite weird. You can not tell while you are there but the lake is extremely long and freezing because it is glacial and is up to 900 feet deep. We saw a photograph of a fish that was caught there that appeared to be over ten feet long. This place is freaky!!! I LOVED it.



Reg looking quite artsy in front of Harrison Lake. It was so cold while we were there. The wind was fierce and we were no longer acclimatized for the cold. We would be back when it was warmer.



We drove past the hazelnut farms and made our way back at dusk. I took this photo from the car. So beautiful.



It was hard to believe at the time but Christmas was coming to our neighbourhood and turned the place into what we called "Christmas town". It would be our first on the mountain together.

If you only knew...

The hard walk in my hood

I am a total and absolute idiot. I thought we had made it to the top of our troubles and everything was going to get better. I had no idea that there were monsters still left to battle and I am just so tired.  I should have known. I should have known it wasn't over.

Will be retreating to happier BC memories if I post at all. I think I am shutting down...

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

Note broken window on the right

I live in a bit of a ghost town. There are big retail chains that do well here but even the Walmart left. And that giant building is still vacant.

As I walk along the main strip that gets tons of loud traffic, I walk past so many building that held dreams of success.



It doesn't inspire this warm feeling inside that anything is possible. I have no idea why my particular area of Nova Scotia is so broken.

Perhaps it is because there was no planning involved where I live. It must be one of the worst cases of urban sprawl ever. No parks. No green space other than cemeteries. A feng shui hell.



Yes, it is a tough place to have dreams. So much here is shattered. It feels as though there is a deep psychic wound.

But I won't let my surroundings bring me down. I still have dreams. I am broken in so many ways now but I will keep going until I am out of here.



Every day I go for a walk, I see another business has closed. How surreal that even a Frenchy's (a favourite Maritime shopping spot) went out of business. But I keep walking. And dreaming. And believing...


"I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone"
~ Green Day

Yearly Pilgrimage

Once a year I take a health Odyssey. It is the only time I feel 100% completely justified in spending money on cabs. I get up really early, roll out of bed and go to the health clinic before it opens at 7 am.



There is always a lineup and I don't really blame people for joining me. I went at 10 am one time and waited over three hours to get blood work done.



This time I was 20th in line and out of there in 40 minutes. I always find it stressful and this year it was more than usual. I have been having new health issues arise in my life which scares me.

If you asked me what my job is I will always say my health. Everything I do, including the food I eat, is to keep me healthy. I have had so many health issues even with all of this attention to taking care of my body, it is a full time job. I wish I could say I love it but I am dedicated to this path.

Healing and staying strong is the number one priority in my life. I hope I am doing well at this important job. Kind of everything depends on it.

Cleansing crystals in sunlight

It has felt like fall this past week in Nova Scotia and has been quite grey. The sun finally came out this morning and I decided to put my crystals out in the sunlight to cleanse them.



I am also working on a protective necklace using quartz and aventurine. Thought I would also put my black obsidian with hematite necklace out too to get rid of any dark negative energy it may have soaked up.

No, the crystals are not resting in salt, that would be very bad for them! I put a bowl of rock salt underneath a smaller bowl with the crystals and water. I like the idea of the sun pushing all the negative energy out of the crystal and into the salt which I will let go of.

Think I will do a general cleanse of the house too. I am feeling like I need a fresh start in life and it is time to clean house! After that, I will make corn relish for the first time. My life is starting to become interesting again. Love it.